just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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