# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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