I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize