the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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