i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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