Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
