im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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