Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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