I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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