there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Less talking, more tequila
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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