The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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