Your dad touched me again.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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