i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
