is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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