Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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