On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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