Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
