Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
