also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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