she was so not down for the gang bang
I puked a lego.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
