Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
