yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
