I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
