You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
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This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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