omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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