i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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