Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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