I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
