you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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