Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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