We named our party play list daddy issues
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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