Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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