I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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