forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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