update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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