I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
