I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
