How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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