Will you blow on my dice?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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