Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
