omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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