U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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