Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
