Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
