My underwear smells like fireworks.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
