Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
