I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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