She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
