mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
