Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
