Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize