thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
