Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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