He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
