i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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