If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
