I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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