He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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