Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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