If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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