I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
