i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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