So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
