I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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