life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
