I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
