Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
