If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
