Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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