just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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