Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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